"It's supposed to be funny."
Phones

Phones

December 16, 2013

I don’t know about you, but I always do weird stuff when I’m talking on the phone. For instance, I pace back and forth in a room for however long I’m on the phone for. Oh, you do that too? So I’m not as insane as I think I am, haha (nervous laugh). Why do we do that? It’s not like we have to walk around when we talk to each other in person, so why can’t we stand still when we talk to each other on the phone? These are the questions that drive me insane, haha (insane laugh).

Speaking about driving insane, I think it’s insane to text while driving. I have nothing funny to say about this, I just thought I should bring it up if I’m talking about phones. It’s just stupid. Don’t do it. And don’t text while you’re walking either. If you’re not paying attention to where you’re going, I will walk into you and blame you for it.

Since I’m on the topic of things not to do with a phone, don’t put a case on it. I know what you’re thinking, “Dustin, I always drop my phone; it needs to have a case!” Well I never drop my phone. If I can do it, you can do it. My phone sticks to my hand so well, it’s like I’m Spider-Man. Or maybe my hands are sticky because I eat honey with my bare hands (get it, bears like honey) and don’t clean them afterwards. Come on people! Our thumbs are opposable – not disposable – so use them. And if you are using your thumbs, then how are you still dropping your phone? Your hands must be as slippery as a banana peel.

My inner geek is about to come out and you won’t like me when I’m geeky, haha (geeky laugh). Having a case on a phone destroys the phone’s sleekness and beauty. What’s the point of Apple making a thin, gorgeous, aluminum, elegant, luscious, so fetch, semi-attractive, out of this world iPhone if the user is going to hide it in a thick plastic box?

If you are going to put a case on a phone, you might as well do that with anything else that is valuable and portable – like a car or Grandma. Do you think I am crazy for saying that? I just bought a car, which happens to cost more than a cell phone, and you think I’m going to drive the car without putting a case on it first? That’s how crazy I think you sound if you put a case on your phone. If you drop your phone often, buy a more durable phone – like a flip phone. Besides, it’s not like you need all of the fancy features that a smartphone has. I think any phone is good enough to own as long as you can make a phone call with it. More specifically, to call Grandma every morning to make sure she puts on her case before she leaves the house. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my precious cookie-making machine.

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